Picture by tom.arthur: Covent Garden
WARNING
Covent Garden Station gets very busy on weekends and in the evening. It only takes a few minutes to walk from Leicester Square - why not alight there and follow the signposted route?
I REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA
Alternatively, the walk from Charing Cross is only slightly longer. I know you’ve heard of Charing Cross, it was in that film with the bookshop.
NO, NOT “YOU’VE GOT MAIL”
Christ. Listen, just don’t get off at Covent Garden, all right?
FINE, DO WHAT YOU LIKE
You’ll have to wait a long time, you know. There’s only four lifts, and not a single escalator.
WARNING
This staircase has 193 steps. Do not use except in case of emergency.
WARNING
You did hear me, right? 193?
WELL YOU DIDN’T THINK THAT THROUGH PROPERLY DID YOU?
Do they not have maths where you’re from? 193 steps ≈ a fuckload.
WARNING
The Covent Garden area is very crowded, and there are few public benches to sit on while you catch your breath.
WARNING
The coffee in any given cafe will be expensive, and not very nice.
WARNING
I wouldn’t bother with the church. It’s not one of the famous ones.
WARNING
In the interest of health and hygeine, please do not feed the pigeons. You will only encourage them.
WARNING
The buskers too.
WARNING
You know you have to pay to get into the Transport Museum, right? All right. And you know there are several hundred free museums in London? No? All right, never mind, forget I mentioned it, stick to the wax models and the Eye and the drama students in zombie makeup. That’s what they’re there for.
STILL HERE?
You arranged to meet your friends “at Covent Garden”, didn’t you? Well, I hope you have international roaming.
WARNING
You’re never going to be able to remember which side of the square you came in from.
WARNING
Or find that pizza place your friend told you about.
WARNING
Or find your way back to the station.
IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND
I’d probably want to come here too, if I lived in Glasgow or Osaka or Carshalton Beeches or Boston or whatever the fuck other sub-zone-three wasteland you’ve made your home in.
WARNING
But one day we’re going to put a tunnel in, straight from Heathrow to Covent Garden and back. Maybe a moving walkway. Localise and streamline the menace. It’s kinder that way.
WARNING
Kinder to us. Not to you.
3 Responses
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It’s a little startling to see multiple fucks in a Minor Delays story! This is hilarious and I would like to see this narrator return.
I did dither about the swearing slightly!
The narrator returning is an interesting idea - I did enjoy writing it a lot, would have to think about how to use it again.
(Hm, I guess all the stories so far have been entirely standalone. I do want to write at least one more with Sam and Nelly from Angel.)
I agree entirely with brendan.